Ban That Tune!

Other songs for the hit list: 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' should only be the first one we ban

Sad but chillingly true, one of America’s coziest cold-weather popular songs has been called out by the #MeToo brigade.

“Baby, It’s Cold Outside, written in 1944 by “Guys and Dolls” composer Frank Loesser originally to perform at parties with his wife Lynn, is a clever plea by an amorous guy to get his doll to spend the evening with him in front of the fire rather than trudge home in the snow.

She offers mild resistance – “My sister will be suspicious,” to which her fellow replies, “Gosh, your lips look delicious.” She thinks she “ought to say no, no no sir,” and he retorts, “Mind if I move in closer?” Finally, their cheeks collide and she agrees to stay as they harmonize the song’s title – cut to fireplace.

Winning an Academy Award for Best Song in the 1949 movie “Neptune’s Daughter,” the tune became a Christmas-time chestnut on radio and TV, covered by everyone from Ella Fitzgerald, Dean Martin, Ray Charles and Dinah Shore to Bette Midler, Lady Gaga and Idina Menzel with Michael Bublé. It’s typically played as a lovebirds’ duet.

But lately, cold-hearted scolds claim “Baby, It’s Cold” is a precursor to date rape – there’s the telling line where the woman asks, “Say, what’s in this drink?” Suddenly, we’re in Bill Cosby’s house witnessing a predator at work. Radio stations have pulled the song for fear of offending sensitive listeners while writers have described the couple’s banter as a man pressuring a woman for nonconsensual sex.

If “Baby, It’s Cold” has a dark meaning, it may be time to expose the sinister side of other pop standards. Here are few that could face their own revisionist reckoning.

· To the Ends of the Earth – What could be more romantic than this 1956 ballad by Nat King Cole, who vows to “follow my star to the ends of the earth, just to be where you are?” You’ll find lush versions by Marvin Gaye, Johnny Mathis, Engelbert Humperdinck and Nat’s brother Freddie Cole. Except this guy won’t quit even after his lover’s tossed him a thousand goodbyes and he promises (er, warns?), “You’ll never be free to the ends of the earth till you’ve given your love to me.” It’s a stalker’s anthem, right up there with Sting’s Every Breath You Take.

· The Girl from Ipanema – Antonio Carlos Jobim’s 1962 rhapsody to a girl meandering to the sea popularized bossa nova and has been recorded thousands of times. It’s lovely, until you realize Norman Gimbel’s American words about the girl who “swings so cool and sways so gently that when she passes, each one she passes goes, ‘Aaahhh…’” So, it’s really a celebration of mass ogling!

· Good Vibrations – “I’m picking up good vibrations, she’s giving me excitations.” Repeated over a throbbing Brian Wilson beat, Mike Love’s lyrics for this 1966 Beach Boys hit sound less an innocent ode to a California girl and more like an exercise in frat-boy prurience – imagine if Brett Kavanaugh had written it.

· I Saw Her Standing There – Who hasn’t twist-and-shouted to this 1963 Lennon-McCartney kicker that says it all about the early Beatles? But let’s not forget the opening: “Well, she was just seventeen, you know what I mean, and the way she looked was way beyond compare?” Sounds a statutory hook-up – arrest those lads! (And throw the book at Ringo Starr for his 1974 song, “You’re Sixteen – You’re Beautiful, and You’re Mine.”)

· Pretty Woman – Penned in 1964, Roy Orbison’s all-time seller – his wife Claudette suggested the title – led to a smash movie, Broadway play and recordings by the Isley Brothers and Elvis Presley. And yet it’s a wolf’s call to a girl just walking down the street, “the kind I’d like to meet…no one could look as good as you,” followed by a growl. Today, that’s an invitation to a black eye or a harassment suit.

· I Wish I Were in Love Again –This 1937 Rogers and Hart show tune was first showcased in a duet by Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney, and reprised by everyone from Frank Sinatra and Mel Torme to Rosemary Clooney, Julie Andrews and Joni Mitchell. But the lyrics reveal troubled love punctuated by flying plates, pulled hair, sleepless nights, bites, and even a blackened eye – a veiled portrait of domestic violence beneath the passion. The singer may also be masochistic: “I don’t like quiet and wish I were in love again” goes the refrain.

· Santa Baby – Recorded in 1953 by Eartha Kitt, this sultry Christmas shopping list is hilarious – “fill my stocking with a duplex and checks, and sign your ‘X’ on the line.” But listen again for the transactional truth: a girl promising steamy sex in exchange for lavish gifts (including a platinum mine!) from her sugar daddy, whom she urges to “hurry down the chimney tonight.” Do Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Madonna and Gwen Stefani – who’ve all released their own takes of “Santa Baby” – really endorse the message that sends to other women?

· I Love You, by Barney. Beware when some prehistoric hulk tries to convince you that "we're best friends like friends should be, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you." Check those hugs at the door, big purple dinosaur.

I hear someone wrote an updated, “you’re free to leave” version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” which is fine for the Uber generation. Personally, I’ll stick with the original, and the belief that when it comes to capturing the essence of human relations in a song, Loesser is more.

Allan Ripp runs a press relations firm in New York.

Note: An edited version of this article (thank you, Josh Greenman and Alyssa Katz) appeared in The New York Daily News on December 22, 2018

https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ny-oped-other-songs-for-the-hit-list-20181218-story.html

The playlist for this article is available on YouTube.